3 Things to Say to a Narcissist

Dealing with someone with narcissistic traits can very difficult. Narcissists tend to get angry, verbally aggressive or volatile in conversations. When you’re arguing with a narcissist, it’s helpful to remember, first and foremost, you can simply leave the conversation to protect your needs for safety, peace, and respect. If you do stick around and try to deescalate, it’s useful to know a few key phrases to prevent further abuse.

1. “Your anger is not my responsibility.” 

Narcissists can become very angry, especially during conflict. It’s easy to get caught up in the narcissist’s anger storm, but it’s never your responsibility to soothe, deescalate, or manage their volatility. When you use this statement with a narcissist, you are drawing a clear boundary about what is (and what isn’t) your responsibility. 

2. “Would you be willing to show respect and consideration in our conversation?” 

During a conversation with a narcissist, especially when things get heated, they may use demeaning or disrespectful words, raise their voice, or use an angry tone. When this happens, you may feel uncomfortable, upset, angry or hurt because you need and value respect and consideration. It’s empowering to speak up and make a request in order to fiercely protect these needs. 

3. “If you don’t stop, I’m going to end this phone call or walk away.” 

When dealing with a narcissist, it’s important to not only set boundaries, but to be consistent in enforcing them. For example, if you’ve repeatedly asked a narcissist to stop name-calling during conflict and they are unable or unwilling to stop, enforcing your boundaries would mean hanging up the phone or walking away.

It’s important to remember what is within – and not within your control – when confronting a narcissist. You have control over your actions and don’t have control over what the narcissist does or how they react to your boundaries.