Many of us carry an underlying belief that there’s something wrong with us, that somehow we’re broken or flawed beyond repair. This belief may have taken root during painful moments in childhood or after significant challenges in life. It can quietly shape how we see ourselves and how we navigate the world. But this perception isn’t the truth. It’s a story we tell ourselves—a story that can be rewritten.
Our suffering doesn’t define our worth. The idea that something is inherently wrong with you is a distortion, a form of cognitive error that keeps you trapped in feelings of inadequacy and separation. But here’s the good news: through gentle awareness, self-compassion, and evidence-based tools, you can release this false belief and reconnect with your inherent wholeness.
Let’s explore three powerful approaches to overcome this belief:
1. Untwisting Distorted Thoughts (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy - CBT)
Dr. David Burns, one of the leading voices in CBT, teaches that many of our emotional struggles stem from distorted ways of thinking. The belief that you’re broken or defective is a prime example of what he calls “all-or-nothing thinking” or “labeling.” You take one mistake or a difficult period in your life and define your entire self by it: “I failed, so I’m a failure,” or “I’m struggling with anxiety, so I’m broken.”
CBT helps you recognize these cognitive distortions and replace them with more balanced and accurate thoughts. One way to start is by practicing with a thought log, a tool Dr. Burns uses to help people untangle their distorted beliefs. When you notice thoughts like, “There’s something wrong with me,” pause and write it down. Then, ask yourself:
Is this thought 100% true?
What evidence do I have to support or refute this belief?
How would I talk to a friend who feels this way?
By actively challenging these negative thoughts, you create space for new, more compassionate narratives about yourself. You’re not broken—you’re a human being with strengths and struggles, just like everyone else.
2. Regulating the Nervous System (Polyvagal Theory)
Sometimes, the belief that something is wrong with you is not just a thought but a feeling—a deep sense of unease or disconnection in your body. This is where Polyvagal Theory, pioneered by Deb Dana, comes in. According to this theory, our nervous system has three states: safety (ventral vagal), fight-or-flight (sympathetic), and shutdown (dorsal vagal). When we feel unsafe, either emotionally or physically, we often go into fight-or-flight or shutdown mode, and this can lead to feelings of being “broken” or disconnected from ourselves.
To shift out of these states, Deb Dana offers practical polyvagal exercises to help calm the nervous system and bring us back into a place of safety and connection. Here are a few to try:
Grounding: Place your feet on the floor and feel the earth supporting you. Notice how it feels to be held by something steady and strong. This helps signal to your nervous system that you’re safe.
Breathing: Slow, deep breaths help activate the ventral vagal system, bringing you back into a state of calm. Inhale deeply for a count of 4, hold for 4, and exhale for 4.
Self-Soothing Touch: Gently place your hand over your heart or on your belly. This simple gesture signals to your body that it is loved and cared for, inviting the feeling of safety.
When we learn to soothe our nervous system, we begin to shift the deep-seated feelings that feed the belief that something is wrong with us. We return to a place of inner calm, where we can begin to feel whole again.
3. Embracing Radical Acceptance (Ram Dass and Mindfulness)
Ram Dass, in his wisdom, teaches that “you are loved just for being who you are, just for existing.” This powerful message challenges the notion that we are somehow broken. Ram Dass reminds us that our imperfections, our struggles, and even our darkest moments are part of the human experience—and they don’t diminish our worth.
Mindfulness practices offer a pathway to embrace this truth through radical acceptance. Radical acceptance means allowing things to be just as they are, without judgment or resistance. Instead of fighting the belief that something is wrong with you, you can meet it with curiosity and compassion.
When you feel broken, try sitting with that feeling without trying to fix it. Notice where it lives in your body. Is it tightness in your chest? A sinking feeling in your stomach? Breathe into that space, and offer yourself kind words like, “This is a moment of suffering. I’m not alone. I’m here for myself with kindness.” In this way, you hold your experience with tenderness rather than judgment, and slowly, the belief that you are broken begins to loosen its grip.
Conclusion
The belief that something is wrong with you is a deeply painful distortion—but it is not the truth. By using tools from CBT to untwist your thoughts, Polyvagal practices to calm your nervous system, and mindfulness to embrace yourself with compassion, you can begin to heal this core wound.
You are not broken; you are a whole, worthy being deserving of love and acceptance.